So, back in December I started up a blog where I could write some album reviews whenever I felt like I had something really worth while to say about a certain album. It started off ok and then I just kept doing it.
While it was fun, there was lots of pressure about actually writing. Writing has never been easy for to do. I’ve had a handful of issues in the past dealing with putting my words onto paper. So starting this blog was very hard for me at first.
Things started to get better with the blog after about a month or so, and I really started to think that I was doing something worth while. I thought, “well, as long as one or two people really care what I have to say, then that’s good enough”
Things then escaladed from there.
I started to write alot more than I had in the past, bigger reviews, more reviews. I was getting better and better at this.
The site never got too much action, and it never got comments.
Comments are what I’m after with my blog. Sure, hits are cool but I really want my site to become a place where my friends can discuss music! I just want some feedback on what I put out!
On Tuesday, I switched over from Posterous to WordPress and realized that blogging is, hands down, the thing that I want to do with my life. I’m 23 years old and I feel like I’ve wasted away so many years doing nothing.
I’ve always been able to get joy out of listening to music. That’s been evident to me ever since I first heard The Beatles “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” on the radio when I was a kid. (after that I remember listening to The Rolling Stones album, Big Hits (High Tide & Green Grass) and Elton John’s Greatest Hits)
I went through high school still loving all the 60′s rock/pop music and just going through the motions of what everyone wanted of me. Then, at some point around Senior year I started to realize all the crap that was just under the surface. The reality of high school ending and trying to deal with my sexuality.
All of this came with some serious anger. I didn’t know how to deal with my anger issues (which have always been there) but a great to make them subside was listening to some hardcore punk music!
A friend of mine in high school introduced me to a handful of punk artists: Black Flag, Minor Threat, Bad Religion, MDC, Bad Brains. All I had known of punk music before was The Sex Pistols and The Ramones, two groups that I hated (and still do) But this had such a high amount of energy. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Somehow, despite all the crazieness I made it though high school. Summer came in and I entered into a time of my life that I really can’t remember. (except that I played Joni Mitchell’s Blue almost every night)
I went to community collage and it fell apart. Failed all three of my classes. Trying to deal with being gay was no easy task for me. After spending years of life in church, I was sure that my soul would spend eternity in hell. Yeah, who give a shit about grades when your soul could be facing eternal damnation.
Despite such depression, I never managed to place in the thought of killing myself too seriously. I had found a way to keep on going. Of course, it came from music.
During my senior year of high school I watch the film Wonder Boys. This picture showed a writer facing a mid-life crisis and trying to come up a follow up to his previous work. The film featured the music of Leonard Cohen.
I took intrest to Cohen’s work right away. I went to the store and picked up a copy of Songs of Leonard Cohen. I listened to the CD over and over and over. Somehow, the disc gave me hope. The lyrics that Cohen sung spoke to me. I had never heard an artist be so poetic before. I had loved Bob Dylan during my years of high school, but it had never left any effect on my emotions. Cohen’s music seemed to hit me in a way that few music artists had before. “Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye” is still one of the best tracks I’ve ever heard.
Radiohead was also playing a big role in my life at this time. Having just listened to Kid A for the first time, I looked on the internet to see that the group had just released a new album called In Rainbows. I loved this record right away. Every song was exactly what it needed to be.
My life slowly started to get better as I began listening to even more stuff: Nick Cave, Rufus Wainwright (a real life saver), Antony & The Johnsons, The Smiths, Morrissey, Jeff Buckley, Nico, The National, Fleet Foxes. My taste is music was beginning to expand.
I had started to go to the bookstore about once a week (at least). Reading every single music magazine on the shelf. This became a very big deal. There was nothing better than going to the store with a stack full of magazines and reading about a ton of artists that I either loved, or would end of loving. I started to realize the way reviews were written. I started to understand how these writers were able to arrive at their opinions and that made me begin to think about writing my own reviews. (this took several years, didn’t happen over night)
During the middle of 2010, while looking around YouTube, I found a review of The National’s latest album, High Violet, by TheNeedleDrop. While I still don’t agree with his opinion on the record, it really inspired me. I started looking through YouTube album reviews because these reviewers struck me just normal dudes talking about music that appealed to them. Serious props to ThreeCreation as well. And I have to mention The Higher Octave as well, that bro rocks. Thanks you guys.
My reasoning for all of this crazy rambling started to build in my head as I saw a post on We Listen For You, where one of their writers just said “Fuck it” and decided that music blogging wasn’t worth his time anymore.
There’s no doubt in my mind, at this point in my life, that writing about music is what I want to do with my life. I seem to have found something truly worthwhile.
But how great is all of it? It’s very, very hard for me to put so much of myself into this site and to see very little feedback. It pisses me off. I just want to start conversation. I just want to spread good music into the webs. If I can get one person into a group, then mission accomplished.
Yet, I still can’t help but be stressed out about “views” and “comments”. Maybe I’m expecting too much too early. These things take time. How does this get bigger? How do keep it up without writing something like this ever again. (trust me, you won’t see me write this kind of soul-baring article ever again on this site)
Sorry for freaking out for 1,200+ words. This might be up for about three days. Just had to vent. I’m not stopping my blog or anything. I’ll still do it and keep on going and making it even better than it already is. I just wish more people gave a shit.